Special delivery

Bringing food to your mate – breakfast in bed, coffee or tea at a certain time of day, or ice cream for a late night dessert – is a very common ritual.  Another variation is that whenever they leave one another’s company outside of normal/routine comings and goings, each would take care to stop and bring back something for the other – a drink, a flower, a picture of something to talk about . . .  These acts can come dangerously close to routines unless efforts are made to create a moment of emotional closeness.  Couples sometimes accomplish that by feeding each other, taking a moment to appreciate the act of giving and receiving and what that means in a relationship, or by just gazing into each other’s eyes and touching for a long moment. 

Take the example of one person bringing the other coffee in bed (usually whoever gets up first).  The ritual aspect is usually the exchange of the coffee.  Sometimes both people’s hands linger over the mug and each other’s hands while they silently mouth I love you.  Other times it is a gregarious thank you and response like one couple who said, “Oh, thank you!  You are the coffee Goddess.  Thank you for being so nice and special.”  The reply would be, “Your company is all the thanks I need.”  They said the same thing every time.  It was silly, but it was also the highlight of their mornings.

One couple varied the weekend breakfast by having one do breakfast in bed on Saturday, and the other on Sunday.


Principal Purposes Served

  • Create stable touchstones
  • Build the relationship culture and history
  • Emotional money in the bank