The Thing

Once a week (or month), each person picks an item they would like some help with, which they usually don’t receive.  Without question or debate (or grumbling), each person agrees to help the other with that task.  Below are a variety of helpful considerations and options.

  • The spirit of the help is with joy, giving, energy, and play
  • Can be done together for the company, or separately (usually at the same time)
  • A time limit on the task, such as 30 minutes, an hour, or two
  • If the task involves something that has a base objection to it, like a fear or gut-level disgust, that is to be negotiated/discussed and agreed upon ahead of time.  Remember, this is a couple ritual, and a hallmark of such is that it is meaningful and enjoyable!
  • Some couples ritualize the notifying of the task by writing it on a sealed card (and having the card lying around for a while), by writing a clue a day on a piece of paper, or by conducting a fanfare celebration with music and pomp and circumstance.


Principal Purposes Served

  • Create stable touchstones
  • Manage conflict
  • Help to accomplish tasks
  • Emotional money in the bank