Gone but definitely not forgotten

When couples travel separately, sometimes they create rituals to remind each other how much they mean to one another and to create a connection despite the distance. 



  • One couple loved scarves.  When the woman went away for a nine day business trip, her mate sewed the phrase “Nine Days Away” across the full length of a new scarf.  He folded the scarf lengthwise and loosely sewed it together with yarn.  Then, like a pea pod, he created 9 little pouches in the scarf with stitched yarn.  Each pocket held a little reminder of their connection.  For example, one pocket held chemical hand warmers because her hands often got cold.  Another held a pouch of her favorite coffee.  Two other pockets held running socks (they liked to run together), and a small wooden block with the first letter of her name. 
  • In reverse, the leaving person would hide small notes or cards around.  Each day when they spoke, he would tell his mate where one of the cards was.  The card also contained a clue as to where the next card was, but if she figured it out, she wasn’t supposed to get it until the next day.
  • Each would change their background picture on their phone to that of their mate.  While they were gone, they always had (and frequently saw) a picture of one another.


Principal Purposes Served

  • Create stable touchstones
  • Build the relationship culture and history
  • Provide regular opportunities for play
  • Emotional money in the bank
  • Fulfill needs for predictability and novelty