Yup, the written word that documents/describes/remembers/celebrates the relationship. 

The variations here revolve around medium, content, and timing, each detailed below.  In addition, couples sometimes add semi-static elements/lists at the beginning like pet names, how you know you love each other, or a list of things you’ve done together.   



  • Physical journal (the leather bound ones with tassel “binding” are special)
  • Calendar (writing in the squares)
    • Calendars are often used as sort of journal rituals.  Special times – actual or mental – are noted and kept as a log.  Some couple attach paper to the back of the calendar to add further thoughts if the inspiration so strikes them.  The choosing of the calendar is usually a mini-ritual in and of itself (selecting the pictures, where and how the shopping is done, etc.). 
  • E-mail (texts/tweets are too short to hold a journal-like quality, but can serve other connecting purposes)
  • Scrapbook, physical or digital (like uploading to Pinterest or Instagram or Picasa).
  • Mailed letters
  • Little cards, or pictures printed and turned into postcards.
  • Long scroll was also used, and each person would continue to write where the other had left off



  • Joys
  • Personal delights
  • Special plan ideas
  • Things that were appreciated
  • An event attended together
  • Hopes
  • Dreams
  • A mourning to be remembered
  • What you are grateful for
  • A little love note


Time span:

  • Daily
  • Weekly
  • Monthly
  • When inspired (random, but not less than monthly)


As a special case, some couples reported using writing as a means to express their thoughts and feelings around something(s) that is troubling them in the relationship.  It was essentially a conversation that occurred in writing, allowing for some time to pass to digest what was being expressed.  Such a use (and tool) is to be undertaken with great caution as it largely exits the realm of being a couple ritual, as well as being a form of expression that is near the end of the rope.  Likewise, writing can take an air of things “said” that would not be said in the presence of the other.  See the education section of the website for powerful ways to engage with feelings, needs, and strategies. 


Principal Purposes Served

  • Create stable touchstones
  • Build the relationship culture and history
  • Emotional money in the bank