Brief notes left in various places are quick little reminders of your connection and relationship.  The subject of the note is usually one of support for what is going on, a general note of love, a portion of a song, a quote, drawing, or a compliment.  Most keep their notes, and one couple mentioned that they still had them all. 

In terms of the time to do it, a poignant note by one couple was imagining saying to the other “I didn’t take 5 minutes out of the day important enough to write you.”  They couldn’t imagine saying/doing that, so they wrote notes to one another . . . NOW, it is important to offer the notes from heart desire, not fear or obligation, but you get the point of the sentiment. 

Some frequent places notes are left include: 

  • in the lunch bag
  • on the refrigerator
  • by the phone
  • on the pillow
  • on a whiteboard in the garage
  • in the car
  • on computer
  • in pocket of clothing
  • on the desk
  • on the bathroom mirror



  • On surfaces that support it, a dry-erase maker makes a lovely tool.  For example, writing on the bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator itself, or obviously a whiteboard, are very common ways of leaving notes. 
  • Also, in the bathroom, a clever trick is to clean the mirror, and then “write” on it with soap . . . when the steam from a shower/bath fill the room, the message will become clear. 
  • Another clever medium is to “write” on paper using lemon juice, which can be seen when the paper is held up to a bright light source.
  • Finally, using tracing paper, a note can be written normally, and then photocopied . . . the resulting copy will be mirrored, and the only convenient way to read the note is by holding it up to a mirror.  This is especially clever, as the person reading the note is also simultaneously watching their own expression as they read what you’ve written.  J



  • Some couples write notes to each other throughout the week with the time and date on them.  They present them to each other at the end of the week over a special end-of-the-week candlelight dinner.
  • E-mail and instant messaging are common modern adaptations of this ritual, although even couples who do this will often admit that the power of a hand-written note or card is still more meaningful.  Sending a message at a particular time of day, so that you know you are being though of, is a common form of this ritual.  Likewise, before a big event/meeting, sending a message of support is common.
  • Although not technically a written note, a common adaptation of this ritual is the talking note.  Smart phones and tablets can record messages, and those can be e-mailed to the other at a chosen time.  People call and leave messages on voice mail as well if they know the other won’t pick up.  Handheld recorders used to be common, yet they are slowing dying out as a medium.
  • Hide and seek / scavenger hunt – a series of notes to the main note!


Principal Purposes Served

  • Create stable touchstones
  • Build the relationship culture and history
  • Communicate values and beliefs
  • Provide regular opportunities for play
  • Emotional money in the bank
  • Fulfill needs for predictability and novelty